Webster’s Dictionary defines relationship: “a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings.” Every day, each of us interacts with other people. While we are engaged in those activities, we are experiencing relationships. We sometimes encounter major personal problems in these affiliations, often because we misunderstand the basic concept.

This is true of all relationships; but let’s take a closer look at the relationship involving romantic love.

In my relationship with my wife, there are always four “people” involved.

1. Who my mind tells me that I am is relating to
2. The person that I think she is. While,
3. Who she thinks she is is relating to
4. Who she thinks I am.

There are four ego-created people involved, none of whom really exists.

When troubles arise in this “relationship,” here’s the problem. We all have pockets of energy in our systems that can be called unresolved emotional pain. Without going into the whole concept of the energy of un-manifested pain, these pain pockets in our bodies seem to cry out for some sort of relief. That’s what our mind tells us anyway. Our ego-driven mind offers various solutions to fix the pain. Often these are addictive substances, including alcohol, drugs, food and such. Sometimes it’s gambling, pornography or other addictive behavior. We almost always experience some temporary relief, never resolution. None of this fills the hole, resolves the pain.

At times, most of us use other people as the solution.

The problem with “love” relationships often originates with the expectation that the beloved will resolve our emotional pain. Relief usually occurs for a time. When the pain returns, as it will until we resolve it ourselves, we blame our partner. This false accusation exacerbates the problem.

The real solution is simple, elegant and flawless. Only we are the powerful healers of the energy of our own unresolved emotional pain. The energy problem of unresolved emotional pain simply needs the solution of feeling into the energy of the trauma and feeling the energy completely. When there is nothing left of the energy to feel, there is nothing left of the pain.

So, all “relationships” are essentially mind-created illusions. This is good news. Nobody “out there” is needed to fix us…to complete us. We are whole. So is everyone else.

Get in the habit of shutting down the needy mind when it tells you stories of emotional pain, especially those “lonely” stories. Take your Pure Awareness into the center of the energy of the pain and feel the energy until there is nothing left to feel. With practice, the process becomes a habit that heals us all.

All “relationships” then become wholesome, nurturing and great fun!